Love & Birthdays
My birthday was on a Friday this year - and like every year of my life, five days before Valentine’s Day. As a mind-churning, cultural anthropologist Aquarius, naturally that means I’ve been thinking about capitalism and over-consumption (lol). How should I celebrate after a hard year now that A WHOLE WEEKEND is in front of me? How should I take advantage? How much celebrating do you get to do as a singleton on a day built for two?
I don’t expect to be in the majority here, but life milestone celebrations, especially the essential one that circles around every year, make me a little itchy. And not because it means I’m getting older or remind me of my status, but because of the looming expectations of the day. Ever since I was small, I’ve had the irrational fear that no one would show up to my meticulously planned birthday party (and baby, they were meticulousss). That the effort, the care, the TIME spent on your own behalf would not pay off with as good a time as you hoped it would. And when it comes to Cupid’s holiday, expectations are extremely loomy whether your are partnered or very very single. You better come to impress or make it a distracted day to remember. Wow, I wonder what those marketing geniuses are up to now.
Covering up these anxieties can come with over-spending when you don’t exactly have it, feeling like you need to do more and more to account for this SINGLE day of meaning and oftentimes focusing on your guests needs and wants more than your own. A lot like when you are burned out in general, the glimmering promise of an impulsive purchase, expensive ego boost or just MORE feels comforting. And if you indulge to escape from fears of aging when it comes to birthdays specifically, these bite-size dopamine hits can only satiate for so long before you’re confronted with your truth. In the case of Valentine’s Day, celebrating out of obligation or fear of loss is less than hot. From the ice cream cake and party favor days to the current “where did you make a reservation for the dinner/the weekend/the trip” times of today, my itchiness had not dissipated until I started practicing not scratching.
This year - really the last four years - I’ve adopted a different mindset. Just knowing what I know and how I want to feel, I’ve spread out the celebration of my life and the celebration of love to more than just one day. Asserting that I matter everyday of the year. That every single day I deserve a treat and to feel like a special little creature on Earth. That the people in my life that make my heart flutter deserve to feel that from me on a regular basis. And all it costs me is a little of my time and energy.
Perhaps I get a little wistful this time of year because the national holiday nearly coincides with my personal holiday, but I’m thankful for the reminder that celebrating our beings should stretch far greater than one day. Reach out to your loved ones the minute you think about them. Take yourself out to dinner at that cool new spot if no one is free to join. If we normalize these acts of love and self-love throughout the year, maybe we won’t feel so congested when the ~ big days ~ pop up.
I feel a great deal of freedom in the permission to move about the year with loving, celebratory energy. You might too.
