Trying Out Loud
After a super busy few months of planning, promoting and playing out the four pillars of Treats. programming (one to go, stay tuned!) , I felt a familiar buzz the minute I got home from our last amazing event. Literally high on connection, new things to ponder and another vision executed, I knew that a dip was on its way. They say what goes up must come down and oddly enough, that down can only be described as a vulnerability hangover. When you’re out on a limb, you’ve let your community in on your new life direction and you’re openly trying something new - as small as a fun hobby or as big as a career change or move - the thrill of subverting expectations can quickly be followed by a nagging worry: will there be a net to catch me if I fall? And WHO ALL IS LOOKING AND JUDGING WHEN I DO? Even the most confident among us can swing back to this state. Being open with your dreams, ideas and passions also feels like open season on your choices.
Coming up on a full 12 months of building Treats. + two full years obsessively thinking about work culture, community care and the human spirit, my mind and body have been itching at me to reflect on some key moments as a baby entrepreneur - the very real times when the vulnerability of being seen trying were a bit MUCH. Maybe even too much.
Like many of you, I am a recovering perfectionist. And also like many of you, appearing incompetent, uninformed, inconsiderate and like you haven’t prepared for all angles is a living nightmare (birth chart is a case study ha). But naturally, when you try anything new, create something that didn’t exist before or seek to build skills or knowledge from zero, feeling and looking like a newbie are almost inevitable. Knowing what I know now, I’d even say that’s the whole point of being here. Having new experiences and growing as the best you you can muster is the spice of life, so what do we do when self-doubt or self-judgment swoop in to ruin the party? What is that all about? And if we can’t invite them to gtfo, how do we tolerate their presence?
Unfortunately (maybe fortunately?), there is no quick fix to get comfortable with eyes on you as you and your ideas take form. Time and, ironically enough, continued trying are the only things that can help build your resilience for general spectators AND spectators who are just readyyyy for you to fail. And like a clock is right twice a day, both types will be satisfied. You will certainly reach high highs and equally reach low lows. You will fail. Over and over again. But you will learn. And while the failure/learning ecstasy tornado can be exhausting - it certainly has been for me at times - just know you trying out loud can inspire other people to try out loud too. Even when I’m feeling absolutely exhausted by grant applications, a creativity block or just the day to day of my own (now very compassionate!) inner pressure, a word from someone that Treats. is inspiring them to take a pamper day or that me quitting a whole life and starting a new one has shaken something up in them reminds me I’m on the right path. I can feel that and know that in my bones and with some hilarious mirror self talk when things feel especially loopy, but it’s cool to know that trying out loud can reinforce your own conviction at the same time that the people watching might start feeling comfortable to step out on their own knowing.
This is not to say that you MUST let people in on your process when you’re feeling a little all over the place. There is an ideation and incubation phase for a reason. But when you are feeling excited, ready for some helpful feedback or bursting at the seams to share the new business idea, fresh style, shitty hat you crocheted or rough bass line from 7 Nation Army, the only one you know since you forget to practice (mind your business!) here’s some permission to do it scared if you are. Let’s all get comfy being seen playing, creating and dreaming because a world full of triers is a better one. For ourselves and to show each other what’s possible. Skeptical? Try it sometime.
